He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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