Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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