You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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