He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
now i know why i became what i already was.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
