the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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