dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
