if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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