your parents love me but you hate me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We left an ass print on the piano.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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