yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
why is half of my head shaved?
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