So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
