Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
