I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
