My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she peed on how many people?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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