Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
