There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
