What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry my hands just texted you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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