fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
