I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize