you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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