I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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