I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
