you traded sex for a burrito?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
