He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
