The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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