I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
