Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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