note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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