Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
