Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
false alarm. still invincible.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
