My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
