Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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