OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
