I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize