the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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