were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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