my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
