you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
