I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize