i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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