chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
