I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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