3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
