If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
