I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
