So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
