M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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