i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
