my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
