dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
