I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
