Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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