Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
