I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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