Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize