How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
