So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
