I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
