Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
