I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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