He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
