Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
