Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
