I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
