Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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