her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
