She's JV to your varsity
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
