Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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