make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
