I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
