its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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