the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
