so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
