Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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