shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
