we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.