Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

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  (480): So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction. http://tfl.nu/bt6f
  Replies (54) Good night (885) Bad night (4428)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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  (757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/ml9k
  Replies (20) Good night (9858) Bad night (936)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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  (570): six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot http://tfl.nu/fwe0
  Replies (9) Good night (3982) Bad night (753)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

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  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9516) Bad night (1415)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

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  (720): He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED. http://tfl.nu/xnx5
  Replies (8) Good night (3187) Bad night (1664)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.

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  (432): she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback. http://tfl.nu/m8zb
  Replies (18) Good night (3932) Bad night (868)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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  (508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv
  Replies (10) Good night (740) Bad night (1298)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.

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  (386): The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband. http://tfl.nu/86hq
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (745)
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  (760): View more from California

  I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.

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  (760): I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard. http://tfl.nu/86r6
  Replies (19) Good night (1561) Bad night (661)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR

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  (781): THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR http://tfl.nu/6l4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1912) Bad night (533)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.

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  (570): He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point. http://tfl.nu/gdgk
  Replies (7) Good night (347) Bad night (967)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.

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  (775): Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity. http://tfl.nu/mwyr
  Replies (6) Good night (616) Bad night (345)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka

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  (515): Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka http://tfl.nu/yw8u
  Replies (1) Good night (670) Bad night (315)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits

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  (301): I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits http://tfl.nu/pmw9
  Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (618)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000

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  (360): I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000 http://tfl.nu/u3g9
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (289)

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