I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize