I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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