We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
