There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
