Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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