don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
