She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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