If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
