I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize