I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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