remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
