just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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