She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
