Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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