He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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