She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
